louisehourcade Chapter 616 Bat Mite: Dating is so slow, why don't you just get straight to the point?
Chapter 616 Bat Mite: Dating is so slow, why don't you just get straight to the point?
Chapter 616 Bat Mite: Dating is so slow, why don't you just have a baby?
At this point, the power that Merciless Iron Fist possessed came entirely from the Bat Mite. Fortunately, the Bat Mite seemed to have fully learned from the lesson of the Mischief's failure to have his power taken away by the Joker. Therefore, he was not an idiot and was not foolish enough to give the power directly to the other party. Instead, he gave Merciless Iron Fist a "send mission request" and then the Bat Mite would "complete the mission" according to the basic triggering logic.
This superpower seems absurd, but in reality...
It was indeed quite absurd, something that the bat mite came up with on a whim just to amuse itself, but for the merciless and iron-fisted, there couldn't be a better situation.
The so-called "summoning a marriage partner" is just a pretext. In the hands of the merciless and iron-fisted man, this is an opportunity to infinitely summon all the most dangerous villains in the time-travel series.
The Uncrowned Iron Fist knew that the Bat Mite wouldn't actually let him kill Batman. This five-dimensional being was a Batman fan, and he only brought these villains here to see Batman utterly crush them, not to actually injure Batman or anything like that.
But that's enough. The merciless iron fist's mission is simply to stall for time as much as possible, to buy more opportunities for the Batman Who Laughs. Isn't that enough to buy time?
"Awoooo ...
Doomsday, dressed in a wedding gown, let out a roar to the sky. Like Diana from the Alliance next to him, Doomsday, who came from the "Death of Superman" era, was also tormented by the wedding dress he was wearing.
While the bat mite's five-dimensional power helped Doomsday resist the paradoxical punishment from the time-travel, it also clothed him in an iron suit that he could never take off.
The wedding dress became a "hero skin" permanently attached to Doomsday; no matter how many times Doomsday tore the dress off, he would soon put it back on.
This made Doomsday, who couldn't have his clothes ripped off, very uncomfortable. The bone spurs on his body grew three inches longer. The enraged beast stood there, its red eyes turning red with anger. Then, its crimson eyes glared at Chen Tao, and then it shot out a red light like a searchlight from its eyes.
Chen Tao was punched repeatedly in the face by the wedding dress destruction day, and he was almost numb.
It's not that he can't confront Doomsday head-on, but the Doomsday during the "Death of Superman" era gets stronger the more he fights him. Unless he uses superhuman strength to kill him in one go, that would mean Chen Tao would have to concentrate on dealing with Doomsday for a short period of time, and then the next plot would be him being ambushed and stabbed by the merciless iron fist, right? He's not that stupid.
However, if you don't concentrate fully, a few attacks that don't exceed the limit will only make Doomsday stronger.
"Hey, you're going to cause problems by messing with the timeline like this!" Chen Tao protested loudly to the bat mite while defending against Doomsday's attacks. "Without Doomsday, the culprit behind Superman's death, the entire Superman death event wouldn't exist. Causality would change, and a brand new branching timeline would appear in the timeline. You're disrupting the normal development of the timeline!"
"What? No, of course not." The bat mite appeared on the head of Wedding Dress Doomsday with a bang. At this moment, Doomsday instinctively crossed his index fingers to form a heavy fist, then raised it high above his head and slammed it down heavily on Chen Tao.
The bat mite snapped its fingers, and immediately after Doomsday's massive punch landed... a bouquet of flowers appeared.
Damn it, what's the point of all this?
"Five-dimensional beings can repair everything caused by their own divine power, do you remember?" the bat mite said. "Remember that fight I had with the troublemaker before... we almost shattered the Hypertime Stream, but that was the result of five-dimensional imagination, which means I can repair it at will, do you understand? Everything I do is within the scope of what I can repair."
(Note: The fight between Bat Mite and the Mischief Maker mentioned here refers to the "World's Funniest Buddies" incident, where Bat Mite destroyed the Mischief Maker's prank on Superman, and the two then got into a fight. During their brawl, Ghost came to break up the fight, and the Mischief Maker even knocked Ghost unconscious with the Earth.)
Immediately afterward, the two five-dimensional beings smashed planets and galaxies together, destroying the entire multiverse. They then continued their rampage upstream in the trans-temporal flow, destroying countless parallel universes. However, after they reconciled, they joined forces to repair them.
"So enjoy it while you can, after all, it's a rare opportunity for me to get out here."
After making a "don't worry" "OK" gesture, the bat mite continued to tumble around happily, watching Chen Tao being chased all over the ground by more and more "brides" brought by the merciless iron fist.
Of course, not all of these "brides" are willing to be controlled.
"This is...blasphemous..." The voice that came out should be Brainiac from a certain timeline in the time-travel. Chen Tao looked at his classic handsome green face and the pink spot on his head and roughly guessed that this guy should be from chapter 800 of the action comic.
At this moment, Brainiac's burly body was squeezing the wedding dress so tightly it was bulging. He tried to resist the control, but he couldn't stop his feet from running uncontrollably after Chen Tao.
The bride should hold the groom's hand; that's how the Bat Mite's program is designed. These villains, summoned from the Time Stream, are able to defy the Time Stream's paradox and remain in reality thanks to the Bat Mite's five-dimensional divine power. The Bat Mite's control over them ensures that they cannot refuse to run towards Batman without hesitation.
By this time, the number of brides pursuing Chen Tao had gradually increased, and there were all sorts of people among them.
A huge group of villains, some Chen Tao knew and some he didn't, were all dressed in wedding gowns. Making all sorts of strange noises, they pounced on Chen Tao.
Chen Tao strongly suspected that Wu Min Tie Wan was going all out, desperately and relentlessly recruiting people from the Time Stream. At first, the characters he recruited were like Doomsday, who were powerful and strong, and were obviously carefully selected. But later, Wu Min Tie Wan simply stopped being selective and just relied on quantity to win.
This resulted in the Penguin from some unknown timeline being pulled over in a daze. He appeared to be taking a shower when he was brought over, completely naked, with half of his body still wet, and was immediately dressed in a wedding dress.
Suddenly, the penguin's short, fat body was filled with a hazy beauty, and that sense of immorality, which was both exposed and concealed, reached its peak as the penguin started running uncontrollably with its short legs.
With a splat, Oswald slipped and fell in her wedding dress, and Chen Tao's Penguin companion immediately let out a shriek: "Enough!!!"
He was perfectly fine when the bat mite identified him as part of the "bat family and friends group," and then suddenly he was pulled out of his office. Oswald was suddenly switched from the leisurely life of the president of a Mexican burrito company to a big battle against superpowered ghosts.
If it weren't for the Penguin's physique forged during his years of living in Gotham, and his habit of always carrying an umbrella full of weapons, the newly arrived Penguin would have been hacked to death by so many Amazonian female warrior ghosts.
After finally gaining a foothold and escaping the fierce battlefield, the Alliance Penguins were furious to see themselves shamelessly displaying their true colors to others.
There are many brides like this who aren't actually that strong, but there are many more who are temporarily brought in to make up the numbers, such as the calendar bride or the spice queen bride, but there are also many more who are more difficult to deal with.
Just as Chen Tao was slowly assessing the strength of the group behind him, he then saw Wu Min's iron-fisted little hand make a move.
Immediately afterwards, Darkseid, his face ashen, appeared on the scene in a wedding dress.
Grass.
An omega ray shot towards Chen Tao, forcing him to retaliate.
As for which timeline Darkseid comes from, Chen Tao can only say that it is definitely not Darkseid at his peak in "Final Crisis". The opponent is strong, but not as strong as Chen Tao imagined. It is very likely that it comes from the episodic story where Darkseid was beaten up by Doomsday.
The opponent's power is slightly weaker than that of Darkseid in Chen Tao's universe, but that is the biggest problem. If it were Darkseid from the main universe, regardless of which timeline upstream in the Hypertime Stream, he shouldn't be so weak.
But the fact that Darkseid is a slightly weaker version doesn't stop him from wearing a wedding dress with a deadpan expression and his hands behind his back, and rushing off to get married in a great hurry.
Chen Tao saw Darkseid, her eyes shining, enthusiastically approaching with her hands behind her back, followed by the Doomsday Bride frantically tearing at her wedding dress, revealing her muscular chest and fiery passion.
Sinestro from some unknown timeline also appeared here with a livid face. His already red face was almost flushed with anger, and despite wearing a wedding dress, he was trembling with rage the entire time.
"What exactly do you want? Bat mites?"
Chen Tao gritted his teeth: "You really want to see me get beaten up?"
He pointed to the brides behind him: "This is no fun at all."
"Fun, of course it's fun," said the bat mite. "This is your punishment for not getting married sooner."
"?" Chen Tao was at a loss for words. What kind of punishment was this? Even Alfred wouldn't pressure him to get married like this!
"Look at you, Batman," Bat Mite said. "All this time, and you've never even gotten to the point of getting married, not even once."
He snapped his fingers, and immediately the Alliance heroine who was fighting the Cruel Knight appeared beside Chen Tao and ran away with him. Chen Tao noticed that their forearms were linked together, just like a bride and groom.
"You're so stupid as to fight like this..." The Cruel Knight, realizing his opponent was gone, raised his weapon at the distant Alliance Diana with a ferocious expression. The next second, he was slapped flat by the Bat Mite and stuck to the ground like putty, in a physical sense.
Then, a little later, they started to steal the spotlight.
The bat mite may not have killed him, but the Cruel Knight was undoubtedly in a state of being "flattened" like a creature from an animated film, and he wouldn't be able to recover for a while.
The bat mite brought the topic back to the main point.
"Where did your relationship progress to?"
"Uh..." Chen Tao said, "Is our date going to lunch?"
The League of Legends heroine nodded: "Our date is about to start. We...we've already set a time."
"Once things stabilize and I have time, we'll have our first date, a proper one, without any unexpected events interfering," Chen Tao said.
"But before that, we should prioritize other matters. After all, we can't just abandon the Justice League's affairs and suddenly run off to... uh..." The League heroine started to stumble a bit as she spoke.
"In other words, nothing's even started yet, the ambiguous period hasn't even begun." The bat mite looked like a pickled eggplant.
It stared at the awkward male and female pair in front of it.
Chen Tao and his group slowed down as the Bride of Doomsday pounced on them, only to be swatted away by the bat mite.
Then he suddenly perked up and said, "How about this, you guys fast forward, don't bother with any more dates, just go to bed together."
"If we sleep together, the plot will move forward, and everything will be resolved."
"????"
"Hehe, that's so fast!"
Chen Tao and the Alliance Heroine exchanged a glance, then extended their hands together to the bat mite, indicating their refusal: "We haven't decided to go to that point yet."
The bat mite was greatly shocked upon hearing this.
"Why is my CP AAAAA ...
"This is so annoying! You two, after all this time, you haven't made an inch of progress! This is illegal!"
Then he suddenly paused again.
"Forget it, dating is so slow, it's too annoying. Why don't you just have a baby together?" He suddenly thought of a great idea, his mind racing, and then said, "You know, it's like turning the page in a novel, and the next page says, 'The prince and princess got married, and they had a son and a daughter!'"
The bat mite said, "This is the best solution!"
"Don't worry, leave it to me. As long as you nod, you'll be pregnant in one minute, give birth in three, and in five minutes you'll have your own little baby!"
The bat mite boasted, "And then, Dr. Bat Mite will personally deliver the babies for you, and the delivery method is simply snapping your fingers."
This suggestion, of course, drew unanimous opposition from both of them.
Faced with two wooden figures shaking their heads like rattles, the bat mite swallowed its anger and broke its bat teeth, swallowing them into its mouth.
"Well then," the bat mite finally conceded, "if you two just kiss, I'll send all these brides back to their own timelines. Is that fair enough?"
The merciless iron fist, enthusiastically summoning the bride from behind, remained silent: "?"
(End of this chapter)